Thavi,
I don't really know why I'm writing this.
Maybe because there are still things in my heart that don't fit neatly into a goodbye.
The truth is, I still love you.
I still miss you.
I still catch myself wanting to tell you about my day, wanting to hear your voice, wanting to hear you say good morning and goodnight the way you always did.
There are moments where I still reach for my phone before remembering that things are different now.
And if I'm being honest, I think a part of me will miss you for a very long time.
But something changed after our call.
For the first time in a while, I felt heard.
I felt understood.
I felt forgiven.
For so long I carried this weight on my chest, convinced that I had ruined everything and that I would have to live with that forever.
Then you told me to stop blaming myself.
You told me you forgave me.
You told me you still cared.
And I don't think you realize how much peace that gave me.
I spent so much time trying to find a way back to you that I forgot I also needed to find a way back to myself.
I think that's what I'm trying to do now.
I still regret breaking up with you.
I still wish I had understood sooner.
I still wish I had become the man I am trying to become while I still had you beside me.
That regret will probably stay with me for a while.
But for the first time, it doesn't feel like it's crushing me.
It just feels like a lesson I'll carry forward.
You once told me I didn't try.
Maybe there were times when that was true.
But I hope that one day, when you look back on us, you'll know that I tried in the end.
Not because I wanted credit.
Not because I wanted sympathy.
But because loving you taught me how much someone can matter.
You were one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Not because our story was perfect.
Not because we got everything right.
But because you changed me.
You taught me things I needed to learn.
You showed me parts of myself I needed to face.
And somehow, even through all this pain, I'm grateful for that.
A part of me still wishes it could have been us.
I think that part will be there for a while.
Maybe every time I hear a certain song.
Maybe every time I drive past a place that reminds me of you.
Maybe every time something good happens and you're the first person I want to tell.
But I also know that love isn't holding on to someone who has chosen a different path.
Love is respecting them enough to let them walk it.
So I think that's what I'm learning now.
Not how to stop loving you.
But how to love you without needing to hold onto you.
And maybe that's what letting go really is.
Not forgetting.
Not replacing.
Not pretending it never mattered.
Just carrying the memories with gratitude instead of pain.
I don't know what the future looks like.
Maybe our paths cross again one day.
Maybe they don't.
But if they don't, I hope you know that being loved by you was one of the greatest gifts of my life.
And if they do, I hope you meet a version of me that took every lesson you gave him and became better because of it.
